Sauna Story
by may10baby
Summary: Okay, take a few of the male Naruto cast members, toss them into an escapeproof sauna, watch as they sing themselves out! Watch the mental damage! Sasunaru, vague ItaKisa, Sainaru, Kakairu, SasoDei, TobiDei, Uchihacest, KakaNaru, !THIS IS YAOI PEOPLE!
1. My Hair!

Okay, I came up with this idea when I was watching a Korean show that my mom downloaded off the computer. They take a bunch of people, shove in a sauna, and they have to figure out the lyrics to the songs that are changed somewhat. XDD its sooo… funny to watch their suffering.

So, what did you favorite authoress do? Convert it to a Yaoi fanfic!

* * *

"Kakashi-san, with all due respect-"

"Which is none, un!"

"-would you-"

"Die, dattebayo!"

"-please-"

"Go shove a kunai up your ass you, fucking shitty shit head with no fucking respect for the fucking fucktasic-"

"SHUT THE _FUCK UP_, HIDAN! AND KAKASHI! GET ME OUTTA THIS DAMN SAUNA BEFORE I FUCKING _CASTRATE_ YOUR PERVERTED ASS! AND THEN BRAIN-RAPE YOU _AGAIN_! AND GUESS WHO I'D _KILL_ INSTEAD OF YOU?! _JIRAIYA_! SO YOU FUCKING FAVORITE BOOK SERIES WOULD _DIE_ _DAMMIT_! SO YOU COULD _SUFFER_! DO YOU _KNOW_ WHAT EXTREME HEAT _DOES_ TO MY _HAIR_?!"

Everyone stared as Uchiha Itachi, the calm, stoic, bitches-of-his-clan-killer, clawed at the metal Sauna door, foaming at the mouth.

Sasuke paled, even more. 'Itachi never liked the summer heat much…'

* * *

How did things end up this way? Well, Kakashi, as well as Tsunade, Temari, Orochimaru, and the Akatsuki leader; Pein, all teamed up to cause their more rebellious members of whatever organization they were in a bit of hell.

Said member's being; Uzumaki Naruto, Inuzuka Kiba, Nara Shikamaru, Sai, Uchiha Sasuke, Uchiha Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Deidara, Sasori, Tobi, Kakuzu, Gaara and Kankuro.

* * *

It was currently 80 degrees Fahrenheit, and everyone was starting to get a little sweaty, though for Itachi; "THIS IS HORRIBLE! MY HAIR IS _RUINED_!"

Deidara, also realizing his hair could be permanently damaged, began clawing at the door as well. "LEMME GO! ALL I DID WAS THREATEN TO BLOW UP SUNA AND KIDNAP THEIR KAZEKAGE! NOO!!!! MY _HAIR_! MOMMY!!!!" he shoved Itachi out of the way and threw a bird-shaped clay bomb at the door.

The resulting BOOM caused cursing, shouts, and a blonde-who name rhymes with Gaara- almost being strangled.

Kakashi tapped against the bullet/justu/chakra/fangirl-proof (hence invincible!) glass, separating the boys in the sauna from the outside world. "Hey, hey, guys, come on! You're not allowed to kill anyone, or commit suicide, or Tsunade'll revive your ass and force you all to watch…a strip tease by Sakura and Ino!" immediately everyone turned to stare at Kakashi in disbelief. To prove his point the gray-haired demon, as everyone in the Sauna had deemed him, pointed to where Sakura and Ino were giggling, at batting eyelashes at Sasuke, who visibly twitched, a sign appearing above his head that proudly stated 'NO CONNECTION!' pointing at his brain…

Everyone say down in their respected seats, fidgeting slightly before Naruto jumped up. "Dammit! I can't take this!" and with that, Naruto slid off his jacket; in a hot room, full of overly-panicked perverts that wanted his ass. Sasuke visibly twitched again, instead of 'No connection' a picture of himself and Naruto 'playing' in a bathtub, was on his 'thought process' sign. He quickly stabbed said sign, causing it to die(?) and shoved it behind him in his seat.

Kiba, and a few other people including the Akatsuki members, removed their outerwear and sat back down.

A twitchy Sasuke glanced at a hyperventilating Itachi before his attention was attracted to Itachi's partner, Kisame, who looked like he was gonna die of 'natural' causes any second now.

"W-water…" Kisame wheezed, his gills (again;?) flapping, Itachi screamed.

"Shut the fuck up, Kisame!" he screeched, tackling said shark-man. "I need my hair-care products more than you need your GOD FORSAKEN WATER!!!!" he grabbed Kisame's hair and began yanking on it brutally. "Stupid water! WHO NEEDS IT!?" he screamed, officially crying, yes, crying…(-sweatdrop-) "HUH?! _HUH_?!" Deidara and Sasori pried Itachi off an unconscious (or dead, you couldn't really tell) Kisame, and began to lick his tears away.( water! Obtained in a smexy fashion!)

And that is how this tortur-I mean game show, began!

* * *

Yes, Itachi uses hair care products, and Deidara was still 'mentally damaged' from his close encounter with death to pounce on Kisame as well!

Next chapter! The first warped song is introduced! The yaoiness builds up! PM me with song and warped lyric ideas! The more lyrics the better! and review review review!!!!

* * *

May: ohhh…I'm evil…

Kk: now we're on the same page here!

May: btw, for all of you that have read "Papa!" my friend Michael is helping me out with this fanfic! Micky say hi!

Micky: -blush- hi! May, can we put ItaSasu in this?

May: Hm… if need be…yes!

Micky: -cackles evilly in a corner-

Kk: -sweatdrop- I think he's evil, May…

May: Of course not! –turns to where Micky is 'innocently' hugging a Sasuke and Itachi plushie- See! He just loves the Uchiha brothers!-turns away-

Kk: err…-watches Micky shove Itachi and Sasuke plushies face-first against each other, sweatdrop- right…


	2. Ninja Girl

Sauna Story- chapter 1,

Reviewers;

Akuryou-x- IT'S CRACKTASTIC!

Abby Queen of Caff-Pow- to lemon? or not to lemon...that is the question...XD

Yuri-no-hana- Woo! I'm a God! BOW DOWN TO MY AWESOME...GODDESSLYNESS!

ChocohalicsAnonymus- Glorified crack...what we humans live off of...

DarkeningSkye- I HAD to make Itachi claw at the door, that was my starting idea!

* * *

Previously-

_A twitchy Sasuke glanced at a hyperventilating Itachi before his attention was attracted to Itachi's partner, Kisame, who looked like he was gonna die of 'natural' causes any second now._

"_W-water…" Kisame wheezed, his gills (again;?) flapping, Itachi screamed._

"_Shut the fuck up, Kisame!" he screeched, tackling said shark-man. "I need my hair-care products more than you need your GOD FORSAKEN WATER!!!!" he grabbed Kisame's hair and began yanking on it brutally. "Stupid water! WHO NEEDS IT!?" he screamed, officially crying, yes, crying…(-sweatdrop-) "HUH?! HUH?!" Deidara and Sasori pried Itachi off an unconscious (or dead, you couldn't really tell) Kisame, and began to lick his tears away.( water! Obtained in a smexy fashion!) _

_And that is how this tortur-I mean game show, began!

* * *

_

Kakashi frowned, looking at his students; Sasuke and Naruto in concern. Naruto looked a little flushed and Sasuke looked quite a bit hard; his eyes glancing over to the blonde seated next to him.

'Maybe this wasn't such a great idea…Naruto could be gangbanged, then Minato-sensei's(1) spirit would haunt me…' he looked at Tsunade who was cackling evilly to herself. "Tsunade-sama, what happens if they don't guess the lyrics correctly?" he sweatdropped as she chuckled, an evil aura surrounded her, even Orochimaru and the Akatsuki leader; his face covered by a straw hat, glanced at the woman nervously.

"Oh, we'll given them hints…besides they've got the more intelligent population of their respective groups, not to mention the dumb ones…" she added, glancing at Naruto.

Kakashi sighed, turning back to the glass, showing the boys in the sauna. "Okay guys, we're gonna start now…" he sweatdropped as he received many dangerous glares from the people within. "Here's how it goes, we've chosen a few songs that you all know or have heard before at sometime, however we've altered the lyrics so that you guys have to sing your way out. Last one out gets to pick someone who's already out to give them their punishment." Kakashi smiled through his mask "Have fun! And here's the actual song without the warped lyrics."

* * *

Barbie Girl by Aqua 

I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie world!

Life in plastic, is fantastic.

You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere!

Imagination, life is your creation!

End verse.

* * *

Itachi was the first to respond "I LOVE THIS SONG!" he blinked noticing everyone staring at him in shock "…what?"

Sasuke tripped on air, despite the fact he was sitting, and fell onto the ground.

Naruto was terrified "_Omigod_! Someone killed Itachi and his imposter is a girly-girl!" he screamed, fainting on top of a unresponsive Sasuke.

Kiba coughed, try to ignore the unconscious shinobi "Okay, so how are the warped lyrics running?"

Kakashi blinked, snapping out of his self-induced brain rapage by imagining Itachi dancing to Barbie Girl, he coughed "Well, we give you all a series of hints, all leading up the ending verse. First hint; the warped title is 'Ninja Girl'."

Immediately Itachi dove for the mike, only to get kicked away by Kisame, hey, it was a fish eat weasel world out there.

Kisame grabbed the mike sitting down quickly "Roll it!" he shouted.

Kakashi hesitated 'the fish can sing?' he sighed running the song.

"I'm a Ninja Girl…In a Ninja World…Life in…uh…" Kisame faltered, before a blast of hot air shot in his face. "AH! FUCK!" he screamed falling onto the ground, dropping the mike.

Kakashi silently thanked the Gods that performance was over. "Okay, Kisame, you can't try again for this song…" he sighed in relief.

"WHAT?!" Kisame shouted, pointing at Kakashi, before punching the glass, hard. "Ow!" he whimpered sucking on his fist.

"There is a God!" Hidan screeched for joy. He blinked, slapping a hand over his mouth. "…?!" he glanced around warily.

"Holy Shit…" Itachi stared at Hidan "…You're Catholic!?"

"Never! It's the heat! JASHIN! FORGIVE ME!" Hidan wailed, dropping to his knees, raising his head towards the sky.

At that moment, a bolt of lightning hit the Sauna box, only to be deflected.

* * *

Jashin, up in the heavens, began cursing fluently "THIS IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM WITH SHITTY ZOMBIES! THEIR FUCKING, GODDAMN SHOCK-PROOF!" he sat back down on his throne with a "Hmph" and dialed up the Tentacle God, Bob. "Hey! what's up Bobby? How are things with Kakuzu?" Jashin asked in a high-pitched girly voice.

* * *

Kakuzu sneezed, rubbing his nose he glanced at Hidan, who was curled onto the floor.

"My God, Jashin, deserted..? Oh no…death…why?" Hidan rocked back and forth while Itachi patted him on the back, acting as group physiatrist, until he snapped again anyways…

* * *

May: XD Hidan a Catholic, wow. My friend almost stabbed me with her plastic kunai at this one! 


End file.
